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I’m an extremely practical gift giver. After our recent move, I got rid of a lot of stuff. You know, stuff you keep around because you think maybe one day you’ll need it, use it, wear it, want it. The idea of adding back more stuff back into my life isn’t appealing. And I can’t bring myself to do that to the people I love, either.
Mother’s Day is coming up, and so is Father’s Day. Even though my mom wants the same stuff every single year since I was a kid (flowers) and I no longer have a dad around, I thought I’d do a gift guide for those of you as practical as I am.
Simple Human Garbage Can. I’m starting off with a bang here. You know your parents are NOT going to spend $150 on a garbage can. But I’m here to tell you, it’s worth every single penny. It looks like a spaceship. The bags are hidden. The odors stay trapped, even after days of molding melons. It took us about 3 months of talking about buying this trash can before we actually did. And for the first week we had it, I announced my love for it every single day.
Cleaning Services. I clean my own house every week, but once a month I hire someone to do it right. Julius and I get out of the way, and when we come home, the place is magically sparkling like something out of a Disney cartoon.
Comfy Slippers. I wear slippers more than I wear any other footwear. The second I come home, the bra flies off and my feet are shoved into something warm and cozy. My mother and father used to buy cheap bamboo slippers in Chinatown; they deserve something like these Ugg Slippers (above). It’s like having pet sheep on your feet.
A Non-Sketchy Manicure. I’d love to see my dad getting a mani/pedi.
Audible Subscription. Even though I narrated a book I am not the greatest at paying attention to aural stories. But I do find it helpful to listen to podcasts and such while I clean and drive. My mother and father would never listen to Marc Maron, though, so audible books are a much better match. Plus, there are no books to clutter the space.
Magnetic Knife Block. My mom still keeps her knives in a drawer, and up till a few months ago, so did I. This is not good for the health of our knives, people! I don’t love the knife blocks that come with knife sets – because they only fit those knives (and let’s face it, those knives can suck). I don’t trust the magnetic knife block strips because there is nothing more horrible (that I can think of) than one of those demagnetizing and dropping on Julius. So this block is perfect, stylish, and keeps everyone safe.
Whiskey Glasses. I don’t drink alcohol, as y’all know, but Abe does. He is usually a beer guy, but lately he has a ritual (a la Don Draper) of coming home, pouring himself a bottle of Knob Creek on ice, and relaxing. Giving him a special glass to drink it out of makes the ritual that much more meditative. I actually use them for my morning yogurt parfaits; they’re the perfect size.
16 Personalities. I feel like we could always learn more about ourselves, no matter how old we are. This is a highly detailed personality survey that will kick the ass of any online BuzzFeed quiz. The specificity and accuracy of the personality types is eerie (I’m an ESFJ Consul, just like Bill Clinton and Taylor Swift, duh). I actually like studying the other personality types when I’m prepping for auditions. For $33 you can purchase a super in-depth profile. Kind of like reading the notes to a therapy session. They sent me a complimentary one for the blog, and I learned a lot about my strengths and weaknesses. In fact, my profile tells me I’m super practical – ha ha ha.