This holiday has been emotional for me the last 5 years or so…because for most of my life, I believed I’d be the one being celebrated someday. I never write about it here (though I did blog about it anonymously), but I’ve mentioned my infertility issues in a few podcasts and my bodyheart interview.
Moving on is one of the most complicated things I’ve ever faced. But every ounce of myself is done with pursuing, pursuing, pursuing. It’s like someone has died and instead of dedicating a life to changing what is, we are going to move on and try our very, very best to live the best life that we can. And we’re trying to cultivate as much excitement and hope that we can for a life that looks nothing like we had planned.
She also eloquently explains our decision not to adopt, do IVF, foster care, etc.
I’ve always thought of myself as extremely “maternal” and it’s not a side I want to cut off just because I no longer want children. But some days (like today) it’s harder than others to just accept this. And as someone who lost a parent not too long ago, I’m sure it’s not easy for those who no longer have moms.
So for my fellow Motherless Mothers Day peeps – I feel your pain. But really, Moms SHOULD be celebrated. I’m going to cheer them on for one day, through that discomfort, because that’s pretty much what they do all the time.