Motherless Day

For those struggling with infertility, what it’s like celebrating Mother’s Day when you know you will never be one.

Happy Mother’s Day!  Here’s an old pic of me, my Mom, and my beautiful niece Mella.  This holiday is emotional for me the last 5 years or so.  Because I have to accept that it really is a Motherless Day for myself.  Picture this.  For most of my life, I believe I will be the one being celebrated someday.  And I know for sure now that will never happen.

I don’t write about it here (though I did blog about it anonymously).  But I mention my infertility issues in a few podcasts, and also my bodyheart interview.

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This is for anyone else who is struggling with this strange identity crisis/grief of infertility and Mother’s Day.  I find Mara Kofoed’s guest post on A Cup of Jo to be helpful.

Moving on is one of the most complicated things I’ve ever faced. But every ounce of myself is done with pursuing, pursuing, pursuing. It’s like someone has died and instead of dedicating a life to changing what is, we are going to move on and try our very, very best to live the best life that we can. And we’re trying to cultivate as much excitement and hope that we can for a life that looks nothing like we had planned.

She also eloquently explains our decision not to adopt.

I’m always thinking of myself as extremely “maternal.”  And it’s not a side I want to be cutting off just because I no longer want children.  But some days (like today) it’s harder than others to just accept this.  And as someone losing a parent not too long ago, I’m sure it’s not easy for those who no longer have moms.

So for my fellow Motherless Mothers Day peeps – I feel your pain.  But really, Moms SHOULD be celebrating.   I’m going to cheer them on for one day.  Through that discomfort, because that’s pretty much what they do all the time.

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21 thoughts on “Motherless Day

  1. Gail Flackett

    I was deeply moved by your post, and I love the photo of the three of you. You are the best. Gail

  2. Shell Lewis

    So beautifully said….and a lovely photo and tribute to motherhood of all forms. Always enjoy your posts!

  3. Lauren at Keep It Sweet

    I am sure that it is hard to be reminded of something difficult that you have gone through / continue to go through. I wish we lived closer and you could be in my baby’s everyday life!

  4. CG

    Would you ever consider adoption? We did just and can’t imagine our family forming any other way. She brings us infinite joy and light.

    1. Lauren

      I was going to say the same thing! It’s something I’m considering myself, even though I don’t know of any infertility issues I might have. With all of the children who need homes, and there are plenty both here in the US and internationally, it seems like something to at least consider when you start family planning.

  5. Chelsea

    The sermon at the center for spiritual living-Boise yesterday was about how everyone is a mother, whether you have kids or not. We all, men included, have a mothering instinct. If you care for someone or something deeply, then, you are a mother. It was very powerful and moving. I have the sermon on cd if you’d like me to send it to you. BIG HUGS.

  6. Wendy

    From my heart to yours……sending so much love! I know you will be a mommy someday! I’ve been there myself Lynn!

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