There’s a 2-for-$3 cantaloupe sale at Pavillions today! As someone who consumes a lot of melons, I can attest that is a VERY good deal.
Bought a honeydew also, just because it was extra large and I need this meal to hold me over a few hours. Got a food event to attend!
Eaten after a walk with Julius and Rachelle…
…while catching up on old episodes on the Food Network/Cooking Channel.
Nigella Lawson is the reason I became interested in cooking and this dish is the first one I ever prepared for a dinner party.
It’s NEDAwareness week, and my first one as an Ambassador for The National Eating Disorders Association. Kind of ironic that I find myself dealing with eating issues again for the first time in years during the last few days. I’m always obsessing over food, just in a different way – and people are always asking if I consider myself recovered. The truth is, I don’t think I’ll ever “fully” recover. As evidenced by my post-meal candy/tea ritual and “need” for Diet Soda, melons, and miso/hot cocoa – there will always be something that appears “disordered” to anyone who chooses to look at it as such.
When I first began my binge eating therapy over six years ago, people told me I shouldn’t watch food shows – that it was just fueling my struggle. I initially followed this advice, but ultimately it became another form of deprivation. To live a life without food shows is torture – I value them as a form of inspiration and entertainment. Now that I’m experiencing anxiety/depression again (which sometimes manifests itself in food-focused situations) people have been telling me to avoid those events, or to stop blogging, so I’m not making things more difficult than they have to be.
The truth is, I don’t want to stop. Food blogging has opened up opportunities that are (literally) fulfilling – I’m not willing to give it up; I’ve had to learn how to balance my world around it all, because this is my life now – as much as being an actor/wife/daughter/sister/friend. So tonight, and the next night, and the delicious days that follow, I must allow myself the freedom to lose control, or grab a hold of the reigns, whenever I want – without any sense of remorse, judgement, or guilt. These problems don’t just go away. So I’m just allowing my life to be exactly as it is right now, because it’s mine.
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
lynn, as someone who has struggled (still struggling) with bulimia and binge eating, i completely understand where you’re coming from. i also believe that it’s going to be a lifelong battle for me when it comes to food but over the years, i’ve learned and am still learning how to appreciate good food and what works for my body. i also love watching cooking shows and am passionate about food. love your blog! you’re an inspiration.
lynn, I think you’ve got it right – you know what you need to do, what works for you, and have a level of understanding an acceptance of yourself that we should all strive for. No one can be fully-recovered-perfect all the time – it’s an ever-changing continuum. I’ve read along on your blog for quite a while but never commented. NEDA and eating disorders have been on my mind a lot more of late. I’m experiencing the repercussions of anorexia followed by years of low weight and too much exercise and I feel simultaneously comforted and saddened knowing there are others in the same situation.
Allowing your life to be the way it is is what will get you to a better place.
I’ve been thinking of you! Hugs.
You’re an inspiration and role model to many. Stay strong, Lynn.
I am so proud of you, Lynn. You continue to amaze me with your honesty- not only with what you choose to share on your blog, but with yourself.
I can completely relate to stressing over food when I’m emotional and things get rough (the past few weeks have definitely proven that). But staying true to ourselves and finding comfort in the things we love will help get us through it.
Thank you all of your support recently. If you ever need anything, I’m here. <3
Nothin’ but LOVE, Lynn! xx
One of the things I learned since I’ve started to try to recover from my binge eating disorder is there is a difference between an eating disorder and disordered eating.
An eating disorder is destructive and bad for your health. Disordered eating are the little quirks that you might have in your eating habits that keep you from sinking back into the eating disorder.
Some of my disordered eating is taking out a piece of cheese from my sandwich to eat after I finish the sandwich. I also have to sometimes eat all of one item out of a salad before moving on to another item.
I will never get over my disordered eating, and accepting that has been tough for me. I wish I could be “normal”, but knowing that will probably never happen is part of my personal recovery.
You know, “disordered” eating is a bit of a misnomer. Most of us who have struggled with an ED or are in recovery from an ED actually have some very ordered eating patterns. You have your melons and candy and miso/hot chocolate. I have a few of my own. And I’m sure we’re not the only ones.
i love it! ordered eating. you’re totally right!
I’ll second the idea of calling it ordered eating.
I only called it disordered eating because that’s the term my therapist came up with when I was very upset that some of my habits were my binge eating creeping back up on me.
Perfect! My eating has been overly ordered for 26 years now. It pains me to even type that. I’m so bored with it, but I can’t seem to shake it.
I guess my new mantra can be, “I couldn’t be bored-er with all this freakin’ order.”
Hugs to all.
Let me echo the others. You’re such an inspiration and I love reading your always honest posts. Thank you for being you and for sharing so much! xoxo
A girl should be two things:
WHO and WHAT she wants…
Found on Pintrest my love – just for you!
- Natasha xo
ps – Julius sent me a note while you were busy today – he loves you and really enjoyed his Mommy time.