There’s a 2-for-$3 cantaloupe sale at Pavillions today! As someone who consumes a lot of melons, I can attest that is a VERY good deal.
Bought a honeydew also, just because it was extra large and I need this meal to hold me over a few hours. Got a food event to attend!
Eaten after a walk with Julius and Rachelle…
…while catching up on old episodes on the Food Network/Cooking Channel.
It’s NEDAwareness week, and my first one as an Ambassador for The National Eating Disorders Association. Kind of ironic that I find myself dealing with eating issues again for the first time in years during the last few days. I’m always obsessing over food, just in a different way – and people are always asking if I consider myself recovered. The truth is, I don’t think I’ll ever “fully” recover. As evidenced by my post-meal candy/tea ritual and “need” for Diet Soda, melons, and miso/hot cocoa – there will always be something that appears “disordered” to anyone who chooses to look at it as such.
When I first began my binge eating therapy over six years ago, people told me I shouldn’t watch food shows – that it was just fueling my struggle. I initially followed this advice, but ultimately it became another form of deprivation. To live a life without food shows is torture – I value them as a form of inspiration and entertainment. Now that I’m experiencing anxiety/depression again (which sometimes manifests itself in food-focused situations) people have been telling me to avoid those events, or to stop blogging, so I’m not making things more difficult than they have to be.
The truth is, I don’t want to stop. Food blogging has opened up opportunities that are (literally) fulfilling – I’m not willing to give it up; I’ve had to learn how to balance my world around it all, because this is my life now – as much as being an actor/wife/daughter/sister/friend. So tonight, and the next night, and the delicious days that follow, I must allow myself the freedom to lose control, or grab a hold of the reigns, whenever I want – without any sense of remorse, judgement, or guilt. These problems don’t just go away. So I’m just allowing my life to be exactly as it is right now, because it’s mine.