My brother Morgan Chen does a BluePrint Cleanse Review.
I’ve heard A LOT about BluePrint, a raw, cold-pressed juice cleanse – the very first of its kind to be Certified 100% USDA Organic. They’re now locally made in Los Angeles (which means reduced shipping costs/local produce/lower environmental impact) and asked if I’d like to try a 3-day cleanse to review for the blog. Because of my eating disorder history, I no longer follow any kind of regimented diet and asked if my brother Morgan could test it out instead. Luckily, they deliver all over the US and he was able to take advantage of this offer in NJ. Here’s the (warning – VERY VIVID) account of his experience.
Just ordered the juices. I chose the Excavation (it says on the website “The most intense level of BPC, Excavation, is designed to flood your body with chlorophyll, restore your alkaline balance, and seriously rest your insides so they can finally unearth those crayons you ate when you were three.” Sounds just right to me. I have no fear. BRING IT BABY! Excited to do the cleanse. Excited to poop out the crayons I ate when I was 3. Treat your body like a temple. My temple needs a good sweeping….
Pre-cleanse day. Realized after breakfast that I should not be eating. Had 2 hardboiled eggs and toast around 11am. Now 6pm, had an orange for dinner. Feeling prepared for this.
The juices are set to arrive tomorrow. Filled with some doubt and visions of me breaking down, eating a hamburger all drunk on the kitchen floor a la David Hassehoff. Just kidding, brain, I’m just kidding.
Have band rehearsal in half an hour. Tempted to drink beer as it will be an awesome cheap beer buzz since my tummy is empty. Hey technically it’s not a solid food. It is a solid justification though. HEY OOOOOO
11:51 am: Juices arrived this morning. Very excited. Just finished my first bottle “Green Juice”. It tastes….like vegetables. I chugged it. Going to go pee now. No pooping….yet.
1:44 pm: Finished 2nd bottle of Green Juice. Took a very little poopie. Perhaps just a foreshadowing of what is to come. Not crazy about the taste of the Green Juice, but it is easy to chug so that is what I’m doing. Can’t say that I’m hungry. Feel pretty full actually. But I wonder if you put a cheeseburger in front of me if I’d suddenly feel ravenous.
2:24 pm: It’s starting. Little water poops. Really light. I guess its gonna heat up soon. Still not hungry, haven’t felt hungry all day.
4:06 pm: Just finished jumping rope for 30 min. Chugging Green Drink # 3. Sweating a lot. Off to shower before it dries. I read in on the Blue Print Cleanse website that if you wait too long to wash the sweat off your body, your skin will begin to reabsorb the toxins it worked so hard to expel. Ew.
6:oo pm: Drinking #4 Spicy Lemonade. This stuff is pretty good. I would drink it as a beverage. Just made chicken nuggets for the kids. Heated them up in the oven. Before I fed my 2 year old, I had to bite into one to make sure it wasn’t too hot. Had food in my mouth and had to spit it out. WAAAAAAA.
10:50 pm: Last two drinks went well. Chugged the Green Drink. AGAIN. Well, I choose level 3 excavation which is primarily this Green Drink. Sigh. Love the Almond Milk drink. I’d drink this everyday just like I’d drink the Spicy Lemonade anytime. Not hungry at all. Feels weird not to eat, how could it not? There is a rumbling in my tummy. I’m peeing out of my butthole, but no stomach pains. I’m looking for these crayons and haven’t seen anything resembling them.
7:45 am: Day 2, I got right up, came down to the kitchen and chugged Green Drink #1. It felt good cause my body needed it after not eating for the last 1.75 days.
9:34 am: Body is hungry, so I am drinking Green Drink #2 an hour and a half after the first one. The taste is starting to grow on me at the same time I’m tired of it. Oh, first world problems.
11:02 am: Keeping with the 1.5 hour interval pattern, Green Drink #3 has been consumed. Yup this is life. This is all I’ve ever known. This Green Drink with romaine, kale, spinach and too little apple. Yes. I accept.
1:21 am: Day has been a blur. Already up to Drink #4. Spicy Lemonade. Love it. Really would drink this stuff as an everyday beverage. The other green drinks I have just been chugging.
5:47 pm: Halfway through my last drink. Cashew milk is good. No bowel movements. I’m just urinating the usual amount. I must be hungry cause I’m almost done with all my 6 drinks for the day and its only 6pm.
10 pm: I’m fucking hungry. However, I will not eat. One more day. I’m glad it’s towards the end. My thoughts kept wandering back to food. Cheeseburger deluxe with disco fries. Steak medium rare with disco fries. Pork roll egg and cheese with disco fries. You get the idea. I will drink a tall glass of water and go to sleep.
Friday (Last Day)
5 AM: I GOT UP AND SHAT THOSE CRAYONS OUT. IT WAS SPIRTIUAL.
11:04 am: Got up at 8:30, had the Green Drink a few hours later. My stomach was pretty rumbly tumbly all night. I can’t say I feel hungry right now. Can’t say I feel full. Feels ok. Feels good. In the office drinking my second green drink. It’s surreal to say this is pretty much my 4th day straight without eating solid foods. I’m all giggly about it.
6:21 pm: I am hungry. Jumped rope and had the Lemonade drink serve as a great thirst quencher. I refuse to let myself eat, but damn I’m hungry. Well, gonna go down #5 of my favorite green drink. Horraaaay.
7:24 pm: I’ve vegging out watching a mindless Hollywood movie on Netflix. I think about what my sister said about not having to have popcorn at movies anymore. (She used to HAVE to have popcorn at the movies, and simply decided she didn’t need that crutch anymore.) And I realize that my hunger really can be (and often is) a psychological thing. I will not eat. I WILL. NOT. EAT.
10:30 pm: Well, I am still hungry. It was a full busy day so I am tired. Going to use that to my advantage and go to sleep early. When I wake up I will be able to eat. I could eat a horse right now.
About 5 days after the cleanse. I feel good and refreshed physically….much lighter, baby. In addition, the mental challenge of not eating is something I didn’t think I could do, but can. It’s empowering. HORAAAAY….I think I could do this 1x year. It would be just like Christmas, except with no presents and no food.