I was up at 4am this morning. I couldn’t get back to sleep so I started writing the speech for my father’s funeral.
My eyes are so puffy and sore from nonstop crying that I turned to my skincare/beauty expert friends for advice. Jennifer Yen suggested cucumber slices and tea bags. Pavy said the same, in addition to cold compresses on top. They definitely helped…
…I also remembered the area around my eyes being really dry on safari in Botswana – the only thing that worked was an intensive balm like Vaseline. I happened to find a small case by my father’s nightstand and have been dabbing that on, along with pure Vitamin E cream.
After doing the dishes, the laundry, and answering important calls/emails, I started going through my to-do lists for the funeral while eating a donut peach…
…then, I unmade the bed, climbed back into my Dad’s PJ’s, and let myself be depressed.
I’ve been feeling so incredibly overwhelmed by everything – all the hospital stuff, no sleep for 2.5 weeks, the death logistics, being homesick for Abe and Julius, trying to hold it together in public, missing my dad so much…
…I still can’t believe he’s gone. Everyone keeps telling me to be strong, but I feel like I’ve been exactly that for so long and right now, in spite of everything that needs to be taken care of, I need to veg out and not think for a few hours.
Even with the help from prescription drugs, I’m still too stressed to properly snooze.
The Meditation Podcast is a great resource and I got at least 15 minutes of brain rest. Once I let myself be a baby for all morning, I felt capable of getting back to funeral work and finally got my appetite back.
My mother made some fried rice but I’m actually getting pretty tired of Chinese food so I turned to this instead:
I think I remember Jessica Simpson saying her mom made her Peanut Butter and Banana this way? See what happens when you read US Weekly for 10 minutes…random info comes flooding back.
I refilled them with more useful memories.
Lisa wrote the most amazing post over at Thick Dumpling Skin today and I thank her from the bottom of my heart for it. It actually has nothing to do with food/body issues (I will write a post on that when I’m ready) but I will say this – it is NEVER appropriate to casually comment on somebody’s weight or tell them what to be eating, especially when they’re grieving (a.k.a. highly emotionally unstable). I mentioned this the other day, but I feel the need to reiterate it again. I write this with the hopes that people who haven’t seen me in a while and don’t know that I’ve overcome a lifetime of binge eating will read this and take it to heart, but I know not everyone will. So for now, I just hope that those of you who have made it this far will absorb that advice for the future, if you ever find yourself (or someone you care about) in a similar situation.
Now I have to get prepared for the first of three Memorial Services – the other two being this Sunday and Monday in NJ. For those of you who wish to make a tax-deductible donation to The Kunqu Society in my father’s name (Fu-Yen Chen) you may do so at The Kunqu Society, c/o Anna Wu 199-36 24th Avenue Whitestone, NY 11357.
My father was the Founding President of this Chinese Theatre Company.
That’s him on the right, looking really fantastic in makeup. Maybe I should just wear some red eyeshadow instead?