I See a Deer

After going on Day 13 in the Hospital, I know I need a mental and physical break. My family sends me home early in my brother’s car. Trying not to lose it, I blast his band’s CD the entire ride home.

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I stop by my Aunt Josephine’s house to pick up a vegetable pasta and salad she makes for us.

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When I pull up in front of our house, I see a deer. My parents are always shooing them away, because they eat the flowers in their front yard…

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…but for some reason, I feel compelled to be quiet and watch it. I turn off the engine and stare.

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After nibbling, it walks right up next to the car.

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This deer looks right at me, and sits down.

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I feel it’s a sign, and I want to call Abe to share what I am experiencing. But I can’t reach him.

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So when I turn on the car again, the CD is over and Beethoven’s “Pathetique” is on the radio.  It’s  the 1st movement. I feel that is another sign.  You see, I used to play this piece back in high school, and I remember how difficult it is.  And how my father would always tell me to keep practicing, practicing, practicing until I’m awesome at it. And eventually I am, because he taught me perseverance.  My father was the most disciplined person I know. He did tai chi and meditation for hours every single morning, for years, even the day before his surgery two weeks ago today.

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I refer to him in the past tense. Because I heard that my father passed away very soon after I step inside the house from my mother, who receives the phone call in her car.

When I left the hospital to say good night, they said he was stable and there was nothing to be concerned about. It is very unexpected, and a total shock.

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We rush back to be with him, and the rest of our family. It is late, and everyone keeps telling me I must eat. But I know myself, and I know I don’t eat when I’m not hungry and highly emotional. I will binge.

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Around 11:30pm, after we come home and say our goodbyes, I finally have some appetite. So I eat.

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And I also have an apple but I don’t photograph it, because we are talking about how my parents first met. It is a beautiful story.

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I sleep in bed with my mother, but wake up around 4am. I go out to the back porch, where my Dad did Tai Chi every morning, and watch the sun rise.

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And look who I see, around 6:30am.

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I struggle with the idea of whether I will continue to blog – especially about food – during this most difficult and traumatic time. For at least two years I haven’t missed a single day, and I know you all will understand if I take a break. But this morning, I realize I absolutely have to. Not only because I have to hold myself accountable so that I don’t relapse with my eating disorder, but also because I want to honor my father by staying disciplined like he was. This blog has become a part of my family too. My father was a very private and quiet man, but he not only supported my very public life and how honest I was, but made it clear how much he believed in what I am doing.

My Dad read The Actor’s Diet religiously and felt closer to me because of it. He always told me he learned a lot about me, and about himself, through reading it. And when I announced to him the other day in the ICU that I am the newest Ambassador for NEDA, that was the only time I saw him smile in the last 2 weeks. I asked if he was proud of me, and he nodded.

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I’m going to continue to make you proud, Daddy. I love and miss you so much already.

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226 thoughts on “I See a Deer

  1. Cortney

    Thank you for sharing this post, even though I am sure it was challenging to write. Sending you love and light to you and your family during this difficult time.

  2. Dai

    So sorry to hear of your father’s passing Lynn. Best wishes and condolences to you and your family during this difficult time.

  3. Lana

    Lynn, I have never posted before but read your blog all the time. I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. I am thinking of you and your whole family and sending prayers for strength and comfort for all of you.

  4. Jessica

    Lynn, I am so so sorry. Know that there are people all over the country, sending you love, thinking of you and wishing you and your family strength and peace.

  5. Chelsea

    I gasped and burst into tears last night when I read the news on FB. I have tears streaming down my face again for you. I’m sending you tons of love from Boise. I’m so sorry.

  6. Lisa

    I teared up reading this. I’m so sorry Lynn. This was so unexpected. I send only love to you and your family.

  7. Maxine

    Lynn, I’m so sorry for your loss. Please know that many, many people are thinking of you and keeping you and your family in their thoughts.

  8. reg virgo

    my sincerely condolences to you and your family Lynn. Your father is on his way now to finally meet God. My prayers for your family. God bless

  9. Liyin

    I am sorry to hear about the news. My thoughts and prayers go to you and your family. Stay strong girl.

  10. Jessica

    This was so beautifully written Lynn. So sorry to hear of your fathers passing. When my mothers father died, her plant that blooms only once a year bloomed on that day so I’m a big believer in signs. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

  11. Mike

    What a great story. My condolences to you and your family. I’m sure your father will continue watching over you and all of your love ones. Stay strong & keep blogging.

  12. Brittany

    I’m so sorry to hear about your father Lynn. My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time. xoxo

  13. Kelly

    I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. Stay strong! Know that your powerful voice has a whole bunch of people listening.

  14. Tim Ho

    My utmost condolences; you and your family are in my families’ thoughts. When my brother passed away years ago, I saw the most beautiful sunset driving home. While not a sign, I knew that he was in peace and would look over me everyday.

  15. Tamara

    Oh Lynn. My heart goes out to you and your family. I wish you peace and the solace of your loving memories of your father. He shines through you in many ways, and I can’t begin to thank you for everything you share. It means so much. Take care of you and yours, as you do so well. <3

  16. kunj

    lynn,
    sorry about your father… i am sure whenever he rests in heaven he looks at you and blesses you. hope u find courage soon from your loved ones and readers far away..
    -kunj
    (india)
    kohllined.blogspot.in

  17. Heather

    I’m so sorry to hear this, Lynn (though you write it with such grace). My thoughts are with you and your family.

  18. Louisa

    Hi Lynn,

    I’m sure nothing any one of us could say at this point would make you miss your father less. I’m not even sure anything we say could make you feel better. Perhaps we can’t feel better in moments like this, perhaps we just have to mourn, to grief, but to know that this too shall pass. My heart goes out to you, and even though I don’t know you, through your blog, I’ve see what a courageous and persevering person you are, and I believe in you. I look forward to reading about your days ahead, good or bad. My deepest wishes to you and your loved ones.

  19. Silvia @ skinny jeans food

    Oh, Lynn, I am so sorry about your dad’s passing. But you are right, he is still with you and will always be.

  20. Carmen

    Hi Lynn,

    My condolences to you and your family. I’m not sure whether words can comfort you at this moment, but I’d like to say that you are a courageous and inspirational person to have shared aspects of your life on your blog. No matter how long your break from blogging takes, your readers are here for you when you return. My thoughts go out to you and your family.

    xo Carmen

  21. Stephanie @ The Travelling Tastebuds

    Oh my goodness… your story has me moved to tears. So terribly sorry to hear about your loss… but I am happy to witness such strength & dedication during what I imagine to be a very painful time in your life 🙂 Your dad would most certainly be proud!

  22. Courtney

    Lynn,

    I’m so sorry to hear about your father. My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time.

  23. Erica

    Lynn,

    My condolences, I am so sorry for your loss. It’s obvious that your father was a very special man and you had a very special relationship with him. Hugs to you!

  24. Caitlin

    I’m so sorry to hear of the passing of your father. I too am close with my dad, I cannot imagine what you’re going through. Sounds like you and your dad both have a lot strength, and with that and the love of your family, you’ll make it through this too. Sending you thoughts and energy over this difficult time. We all love you.

  25. nikki

    My heart sank when I read your words – I am so sorry for your and your family’s loss.

    When you feel up to it, I’m sure many of your readers would love to learn more about your dad, if you feel like sharing.

  26. Claudia

    first time commenting for me though I’ve been reading your blog for about two years now. My deepest condolences to you and your family! your post brought tears to my eyes, I wish you all the strength you need in this difficult time!

  27. Walo

    My condolences to you and the rest of your family. Let us know if you would like donations in his name to be sent to a particular charity. So sorry for your loss.

  28. Diane beebe

    Oh my heart goes out to you……what a wonderful relationship you had with your Father and for that you can be grateful. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

    D

  29. Lauren

    My father died in a hospital at a far too young age in May 2010. I was 27 and he was 59. I flew from my home in Chicago to be with him in NJ many many times. Many days were spent in the hospital. But I wasn’t there either when he passed.

    Day by day.

    Take care.

  30. Jae

    Oh Lynn, this was a heart wrenching story. We are with you here and will be with you. Lots of love, <3

  31. Spike

    So sorry to hear about your father. Reading your posts for the past few days has brought back so many memories of when my father was in the hospital before he passed away- such difficult times. Your family sounds like a wonderful support system, full of strong and caring people. Take care

  32. Alisa Kume

    Hi Lynn,

    “I believe that tears can heal, that memories can comfort, that love lives  forever.”

    “Life is eternal, and love is immortal,
    and death is only a horizon;
    and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.”
    -Rossiter Worthington Raymond

    I continue to read these quotes as I also mourn the loss of two great men within a week apart. I enjoyed every story you’ve told me when we worked together and continued to read your blogs. Your love for your father and many memories will live forever. Our deepest sympathy goes out to you and your family during this difficult time. We are all here for you Lynn.

    Love,
    Alisa and baby Davion Kume

  33. Patty

    Lynn, I read this blog everyday and I feel like I’ve lost someone special too! My prayers are with you and I do hope that you continue to see all the beautiful signs of your dad’s presence around you always. He is always there.

  34. vanillasugarblog

    I am so sorry Lynn.
    The deer was definitely a sign.
    Please take comfort in the fact that your Dad loved you so much.
    You are lucky to have this, I don’t have a relationship with my dad–not my choice, so I’m always longing for one.
    Be thankful in this time of your sadness; you will find much comfort there.

  35. Deanna

    Praying for you and your family today Lynn. You are amazing for having the mindset to write such a beautiful blog post during a time like this.

  36. Greg Srisavasdi

    So sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing
    such an intimate journey. All the best to you and your family. Some of my
    Best days is when i get to talk to my father
    when I drive him to dialysis. A very supportive
    parent, just like your father. My thoughts & prayers
    for your family & I hope that deer crosses your path
    once again.

  37. Miriam

    Lynn, deepest condolences to you and your family. So, so sorry for you loss. Wishing you all much comfort and strength during this time; my heart goes out to you and your family. You are one strong lady.

  38. Christina

    hi lynn,
    i dont often comment on your page, but i read it almost daily, silently. i cant say i know how you feel, but i can relate. i also lost my father. although i was much younger, i could remember each day spent in the hospital. i spent in total 4 months in taiwan with him, through chemo. til this day, i miss and think of him everyday. but the bright side is, i only think of the good times that make me smile.

    have a nice day,
    and remember to think of the good times.

    christina

  39. Joyo

    Beautiful Lynn,

    Thank you for your post – I can only imagine what you experienced writing it. During stressful and traumatic times, I’ve always found comfort in events that seem designed to give me moments of pause, of gratitude. Seeing the deer and hearing a significant piece of music sound like those kinds of moments. You have so many people who love and support you. I send you all my love and deep sympathy for your loss. I know it was a profound one. Your dad will live on in the many ways you so beautifully express his strength, discipline, and love.

  40. Sues

    Oh Lynn, I am so, so sorry. You are an amazing person and are doing so much to make your dad proud. I’m thinking about you and your family during this tough time.

  41. carmen

    Lynn, my thoughts are with you. Thank you for your blog and for sharing so much with us. I’ll be thinking of you and your family.

  42. Annie Guo

    I have read your blog every day for over a year, and if I weren’t at work right now, I might be doing a little more than merely tearing up/getting misty-eyed. I just wanted to let you know that I (and many others I’m sure) will continue to follow you through your life’s adventures– good and bad– regardless of where in the world/country I am. Your perspectives on everything from life to food to family have been especially eye-opening and thought-inspiring for me, and I appreciate your strength and determination. Do what you have to do; your readers are here cheering you on. 🙂

    Much love,
    Annie

  43. Meg

    Lynn, what a beautiful tribute to your father. He, most definitely, would be proud.
    I am so very sorry for your loss. Having lost my mother two years ago, I know how terrible a parent’s death can be, but please know that there is solace in that fact that they live on through you…and that you pay tribute to them each and every day just by being you.
    Sending my thoughts and prayers,
    Meg

  44. pam

    I am delurking to tell you that I am sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  45. Leng

    This is very sad. I’m sorry to hear about your dad. I can’t imagine what you and your mom are going through right now, so I do hope my condolences help. Thank you for sharing something so personal and also helping me to realize again that life is short and that it should be spent often with the ones you love.

  46. Laura

    Lynn, so, so sorry to hear this – obviously I don’t personally know either of you, but reading your blog has made me feel kind of like I do. My heart goes out to you and your family.

  47. Lisa

    What a beautiful, poignant and brave tribute to your father, Lynn. You and your entire family are in my thoughts. Sending you strength and love.

  48. Dorothy

    I’m so sorry and heartbroken for you and your family, but you are such a strong woman and an inspiration to me. I know you will persevere through this. You really are amazing, I hope you realize that and we all love you so much and your blog as well.

    Kisses, hugs, best wishes, prayers, to you and your loved ones.

  49. Brigid

    Lynn, this is so beautifully written. My heart aches for you right now. There is no easy way to lose someone you love, but I am glad you are with your family now. I’m sending lots of love and positive energy your way.

  50. Lori

    Lynn, I am SO sorry for the loss of your dad…I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts. Wishing you peace during this difficult time.

  51. Darlene

    Lynn, your post is as beautiful as it is heartbreaking. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. Your dad will be with you always, and will be proud of you always. Sending you and your family so much love and light, and hoping you can find peace in this difficult time.

  52. Leslie Durso

    Lynn, you are one of the strongest women I have ever met!! I’m so proud of you for continuing your journey through such rough weather! You are an inspiration and I feel so lucky to have you in my life!! Sending you loves of love and hugs!

  53. Emily

    Stay strong, Lynn. You will make your Dad proud. Sending my condolences to you and your family.

  54. Laura

    I’m so sorry to read about your father’s passing. It’s hard to lose a parent. I’m sure your father will always be proud of you.

  55. Gina

    So sorry for your loss. Sending my condolence to you and your family. I too lost my father two years ago this September. I pray that you receive Gods strength and Grace in this most difficult time.

  56. Keisha D.

    I was tearing up reading your post. It’s a beautifully written ode to your father. I’m so sorry for your loss and think that taking a break from blogging would be very good for you. Also, that deer was definitely a sign. A warm, pleasant goodbye. Take this time to mourn and don’t be afraid to use your blog as a way to deal as well. We will be hear reading it no matter what 🙂

  57. jerilyn

    oh Lynn I am so so sorry….reading your post brought tears to my eyes this morning…. I lost my mom last year and it is really really rough. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  58. jan schifter

    My sincere condolences to you dear Lynn. Your Dad is super proud of you, there is absolutely no doubt about that. You touch so many of us and I pray that your heart mends soon. I am certain you inherited your charming wit and wisdom from two beautiful loving people. May peace be with you sweetheart.
    Jan Schifter

  59. NJJean

    Hi Lynn,

    I’ve been lurking on your site since I saw a link to it on one of your brother’s recent FB posts and have been fascinated by your pictures and story. My deepest sympathy to you and your family. I used to work with Morgan and think he is an amazing and extraordinary person (he always said only good things about you). And I believe in synchronicity–experience of two or more events that are apparently causally unrelated or unlikely to occur together by chance, yet are experienced as occurring together in a meaningful manner. Please keep blogging and moving forward.

  60. Hallie

    Lynn, I haven’t been commenting but I’ve been reading along with you this whole time. I am so, so sorry for your loss. My heart is with you and your family during this sad time.

  61. Clementine Ford

    Lynn – That you are able to continue this and write in the face of all you have been going through is a testament to both you and your father’s strength and commitment. Today I am inspired by you both. A beautiful post. I’m so sorry for your loss. Will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

  62. willgoh2

    There are no words that I can offer that will give you the comfort you need. But know that you’re right, his legacy will continue to live through you and all those whose lives he’s graced and touched. I’m so sorry to hear about what happened.

    You are strong, but don’t hesitate to lean on others for a while, as others (real and virtual) have leaned on you.
    christina

  63. Angela

    Beautiful post. I bet your dad would have loved it. My thoughts are with you and your family in this difficult time.

  64. Rachelyn Teague

    Thank you so much for sharing so much of your life with all of us. I read your blog religiously and you have been such a positive force for me. I’m also going through a very difficult time in my life right now. You are such a strong and inspirational person and after seeing how you have been handling this very trying time in your life, you give me the reinforcement to know that I can also weather this storm. I’m so sorry for your loss. And thank you for continuing to blog. You are an amazing person and you have such a wonderful family and support system around you. You are such an inspiration. Know that you and your family are in the thoughts and prayers of many.

  65. Heidi L

    Lynn, like many others, reading your blog everyday has made it seem as if you’re family. My heart aches for you and hope that you can find the strength to endure through these awful times. The stories of the deer and the song were both chilling as they were heartwarming. I hope you are able to take solace in these signs…that perhaps your dad’s spirit was letting you know that he was and will always be with you. I encountered such signs during the time my father passed, and it’s those memories that comfort me in times of heartache and regret. I wish you peace and positivity as you and your family grieve and hopefully begin to heal.

    <3,
    Heidi L

  66. julienne

    I’m so sorry to hear that your dad passed. We prayed for him last night before going to bed. May you and your family find peace during this difficult time.

  67. Zay Williams

    Thank you very much for sharing this with us, Lynn. You have been very courageous these past couple of weeks and as an loyal reader of your blog, I really admire that. I give my sincerest wishes to you and your family for healing in this difficult time. God bless you.

  68. Redd H from Salted Spoon

    I am so truly sorry for your loss, Lynn. I’m sending you love and strength.

    -Redd

  69. David G

    Lynn-
    This is the most touching,real, and beautiful post I have ever read on your blogs. Although I write with tears streaming down my face I remember your dad so fondly and was grateful to be able to spend time with him. I know we talk in real space but I wanted to share with your virtual family and express my appreciation to them for their love of you and to you for who you are.
    I am so proud of you!!

  70. walkinge

    I’ve been a fan of yours for a long time, but never more so than now. Thank you for sharing your life with us. While I will probably never meet you, I feel like I know you via this blog, and for that reason my heart is breaking for what you are going through. Please accept my deepest condolences and support.

  71. Dessert Darling

    Oh wow, Lynn. This is one of the most profound and moving blog posts I’ve had the fortune of reading online. You are absolutely incredible, as clearly your whole family is too. I am so sorry for what you are all going through right now. My heart aches for your grief and loss, but I know that time will take care of the pain and you have an angel over your shoulder, wherever you go now.
    xoxoox

  72. Emily

    Lynn, I am so sorry for your loss.
    I know that there’s nothing anyone can do or say right now to make this any easier but please know that we’re all thinking about you. I’m sending warm thoughts and a huge hug to you and your family.
    I know that your dad is beyond proud of you for staying strong and for your amazing commitment and work-ethic. You are such an inspiration.

    <3

  73. Reformed Foodie

    Lynn, I wish you and your family my sincere condolences. Remember that you are a strong and resilient individual with a loving family and boundless support and care coming from all over. Allow yourself to feel this loss knowing with all of your heart that you have and will continue to make your father proud in everything you do and everything you stand for.

    My heart is with you and yours during this time.

  74. Amanda

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Lynn. This post was truly beautiful and I know your dad would be incredibly proud of you. You are in my thoughts today.

  75. Teresapalooza!!

    I was so sorry to hear the news, Lynn. I’m sending warm thoughts of love and peace to you and your family during this difficult time. Know that you are held and supported by hundreds of fans and friends and loved ones every moment. Blessings, Teresa

  76. Wendy Lee

    thank you for the beautiful and poetically written tribute to your father. It was a joy to read through my tears…thanks again for your bravery and honesty

  77. Robyn

    Oh Lynn, my heart is broken for you. I am so sorry for your loss. Your father sounds like an amazing man — a fabulous dad. And what a legacy he left — a lovely, smart, talented, funny, generous daughter.

    I’ll be sending my deepest sympathies to you and your family. Much love….

  78. Kristine

    Lynn,
    Your post is absolutely beautiful and you should so much courage. I’m so sorry for your loss. I read your posts daily and am inspired and impressed with how healthy you eat, for the most part. I’m touch that your dad read your posts everyday and in a sense, it’s a way of talking to him too. Keep it up. I do hope you can spend this time remember him and cherising all he was.

  79. Carms

    I am so sorry for your loss, Lynn. Like a few other commenters here, I follow your blog closely, but have never commented until now. Just wanted to share how much this post touched me as much as it made me feel for you and your family. My heart goes out to you, having followed your journey these past few weeks. Thank you for sharing this, and your memories of your dad, with all of us.

  80. katherine

    Lynn, I am so sorry for your loss. I’m thinking about you and your family right now and sending love.

  81. karen

    I am so sorry about your Dad. I have only been reading your blog for a short time but you are so blessed to be able to write and be there for your family and be in the NOW. I have lost those ablilites and ma trying to get t hem back. I used to write a blog and be ina good support group and was on my way back to a full and enriching life. But I had a huge slip and have been quite ill and spent a lot of time in hospital these past several years. I am climbing my way back up, but it is so hard. Mu whole life is wrapped around the food and the eating and the restricing and all the rules and punishments I put on myself. I find it hard to be there for anyone not even myself. Keep writing and I will keep on reading and reaching
    Thank you
    Karen

  82. Sarah

    After reading this post I am absolutely convinced that the deer was a sign, or perhaps a gift, depending on how you look at it. Deer are graceful, swift, but calm and gentle creatures. The deer felt comfortable after seeing you, then it laid down to rest. I imagine your father felt at peace in his last moments, made sure everyone knew it was okay to go home, and then it was time for him to rest as well. Thinking of you – thinking of healing, peace, and calmness for you and your family during this very difficult time.

  83. Autumn

    My heart goes out to you and your family, Lynn. You had a beautiful relationship with your father and it’s very touching to see. The signs you mentioned were amazing and there’s no doubt he’ll be supporting and looking out for you from above. Kudos to you for your discipline. You are amazing.

  84. Nicola

    Lynn I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. This is a beautiful post and I know that your father must have been very proud of this daughter, who is beautiful inside and out. Xxx

  85. Marie

    Lynn,
    I am so sorry. Sending much virtual love to you and your family in this difficult time. Thank you for posting this: I am sure your father would be incredibly proud of you.
    Marie

  86. Linda

    I am so sorry for your loss. It’s horrible when it’s completely unexpected. You have an amazing family, and hopefully one day it won’t hurt so much.

  87. Sarah

    i am so sorry for your loss lynn. i have been following along with your story for a while and reading this brought me to tears. stay strong…you have a lot of people thinking of you.

  88. m

    So sorry to hear. Your family is amazing and your dad sounds inspirational.
    Please let us know how you are, always. We do care. Sending love to you and your loved ones.

  89. m

    So sorry to hear. You’re family is amazing.Your dad sounds inspirational. Please let us know how you’re doing always. We do care and appreciate your sharing. Sending love to you and your loved ones.

  90. Kristin

    So very sorry for your loss. Your Dad sounded like a very special, wonderful man. I pray you can find healing and solace soon in, perhaps, through continuing your journey with this blog.
    Love and prayers,
    Kristin

  91. joan fong

    Lynn, thanks for sharing your life with your readers. I cried when I read your blog this morning, and I wish I can be there to give you a hug. it is not easy to say good bye to our loved ones. you had a wonderful dad and a lovely relationship with him. Please take time to mourn and heal. my prayers are with you and your family.

  92. Betsy @ A Dancer In The Kitchen

    So sorry for your loss Lynn. Sending thoughts and love to you and your family. Thank you for sharing, you are very inspirational.

  93. wendy

    Lynn, my heart goes out to you. I am so very sorry you lost your father. This tribute to him is beautiful, as is your knowledge that you made him proud. I too have lost both my parents far too early and can relate on some level, but grief is so, so personal. Know that there are strangers out there thinking of you and sending love to you and your family…

  94. K

    You are an amazing person.
    So sorry for your loss, my sincerest condolences. My thoughts to you and your loved ones.

  95. Cellabella

    I’m so sorry to hear you lost your father. I can’t imagine the heartache you and your family feel right now. There is no doubt that you made and will continue to make your father and mother proud. Not even with all the accomplishments you’re achieving, but because of the heartfelt, thoughtful, generous, and kind person you are.

  96. Lindsey Jensen

    This is one of the most absolutely touching things I have ever read; because of the nature of the post – but also because of the honesty, bravery and integrity that it shows. You are very strong and special woman, and I have learned a lot from your blog. You have created your own online community here and thank you for everything you put into it. If there is anything that you need from your readers during this time, maybe an address where we can send flowers or a charity we can donate to in your fathers memory, I know I would love to try to give something back. Thanks again, and I wish for great strength and love for you and your family.

  97. Tracey

    I am so sorry to hear about your father! I hope you’ll be able to stay strong and honor your father’s spirit, but please remember it’s okay to cry and let out the grief. Sending my best wishes to your entire family.

  98. Katie

    I am so very sorry to hear about your father. I lost my father almost 7 months ago after a very quick battle with esophageal cancer. I know that seeing your father in the hospital and seeing how it affected your mother was hard, so just know that he is in a much better place now. He’ll forever be with you and you’ll always think of him. Thinking of you and your family.

  99. Kate Abbruzzese

    Lynn, thank you for sharing this. What you've just done – blogging in a time of emotional turmoil – is incredibly courageous. Reading about your discipline and self-kindness during this time is inspiring and healing to those of us who also struggle to walk a balanced path. Thank you, and I'm thinking of you and your family. So grateful for your blog, and wishing you a safe journey through this time of grief.

  100. Michelle

    I’m so sorry for your loss, I can’t even begin to imagine what it feels like. I think having had read your blog, daily for many months now, I really appreciate how you’ve shared so much with all your readers. Please know that we share in your grief and also am finding comfort in that you’ll continue to share with us by keepin’ on with The Actor’s Diet. Gosh, does that even make sense? I feel like I”m writing in circles. Ultimately, your Dad sounds amazing and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  101. Alice

    Lynn, this was a beautiful post. So sorry to hear about your father. Sending you lots of positive energy~~

  102. Kelly Hairston

    I'm reading this at work and trying not to shed any tears…this was very moving. It brought me back to when my father died, although we weren't as close as you guys were. From your writings, he seemed to be a very good father and a very good man!

  103. Heather

    Lynn I am so proud of how you handled your emotions during this trying time; I am also so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family. If there’s anything we can do for you let us know.

    Take care,
    Heather

  104. Fredric Delmais

    “Any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be a dad.” Sorry Lynn to read the news on the loss of your dad. My condolences to you and your family. On reading your blog your dad was very special.

  105. Bess

    Lynn,

    Sending you my deepest condolences…what a touching tribute that brought me to tears. Your courage and strength is inspiring and clearly you made your dad very proud.

  106. CB

    You are a true inspiration Lynn. You are so strong, proof that anyone can overcome anything. I’ve read your blog for a long time and watched you blossom into the brave woman you are today. I don’t doubt you will be able to overcome the unimaginable pain you’re in right now. Keep fighting.
    With deep condolences,
    CB

  107. Amanda

    Thank you for sharing your life with us. You are a special person and your light shines in every blog post. Your words are always beautiful, even in the most mundane of posts, but especially in this one. I was shocked when I read your father had passed away. I am thinking of you and sending you and your family the most positive and healing energy from the bottom of my heart.

  108. Elle

    This is so heartbreaking. I’m so sorry for your loss, Lynn. My heart goes out to you and your family.

  109. Michelle Woo

    So sorry for your loss, Lynn. You have made so many people proud, especially your father.

  110. Kayle (The Cooking Actress)

    This is such a beautiful, and heartbreaking post. I am so very sorry for your loss. <3

  111. Clara

    鹿 – wealth, long life, prosperity, gentle strength.
    From what it sounds like your father was a man of these qualities and these were passed along to you. Im sure your BaBa is so proud of you. Sending my condolences, a warm long hug, and much love to you & your mama.

  112. JB Christy

    I admire and honor your commitment to continue blogging through this delicate and precious period. Love and prayers to you and your family.

  113. karin

    I am shocked by this news. I kept thinking that your father would make it and get better. Ican’t imagine what you must be feeling , Iam so sorry for your loss. I feel that your father did say goodbye to you and the message came from the most peaceful animal, a deer.
    My condolences to you and your family.

  114. Carolynne

    I am so sorry about your father 🙁 My thoughts are with you and your family at this time of loss. You have been such a strong person in the last 13 days. I admire you so much.

  115. Hilary

    Lynn, my condolences.

    I’ve been a reader for a while now, but this is my first time commenting.

    You will get through this, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. May your memories help comfort you.

    xo

  116. Joellene

    Lynn- I am so sorry to hear about your father. Sending love and light to you and your family. Like Helen Keller said, “All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” Your dad’s spirit thrives and shines through you.

  117. tasha

    lynn, i’m so sorry for your loss. bless you and thank you for sharing your beautifull storry about your father. may he rest in peace!!

  118. Natalie

    Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. All my support, perseverance, love and energy from new zealand.

  119. Nuria Martin

    Lynn, so sorry for your loss. Lo siento profundamente y te envio mi mas sentido pesame. I have heard the Requiem of Mozart for you all day. So sorry Lynn.

  120. tom

    very very sad to hear this.
    Hope you taking it well.
    Makes me appreciate what little time we have with our parents.

  121. Rachel

    My deepest condolences. I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling. Reading your post today transported me. Thank you for sharing such a deeply personal, hard experience.

  122. cristin

    This is a beautiful post, Lynn. Thank you for sharing it. I’m so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.

  123. Neena

    I was crushed to hear today’s news; so sorry for your loss.
    Have faith that his body & soul are at rest.
    It sounds like he died surrounded by his loving family (including you who had been there for 2 weeks), solidly
    so glad he read your blog; he could not have been anything but proud.
    Neena

  124. Jess

    The people we love the most will always find a way to be with us & send us those signs of love, no matter what.

    So sorry for your loss, and may you & your family find comfort & peace in one another. I’ve been a long-time reader but rarely commented–but I just want to add my voice to all the words of support and love you’ve been getting.

  125. Purely Twins

    Lynn we are sorry to hear this. Your dad sounded like a wonderful man, and you do make him proud! Be true to you!! Love yourself girl!!

    love ya
    xoxo

  126. Kaitlin

    Dear Lynn,

    I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Sharing this moment with us was incredibly brave – you are truly an inspiration. I’ve been a reader for some time but have never commented before. This blog has really helped me a lot, and I hope that we, your readers, can return the favor and be of some support to you now.

    Keeping you and your family in my thoughts,
    Kaitlin

  127. Rachel

    Lynn,

    I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time.

    Sincerely,
    Rachel

  128. *Andrea*

    i’m so sorry for your loss. i appreciate your honesty on this blog and wanted you to know i admire you so much! thinking of you during this difficult time

  129. Nicole

    Lynn, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your post made me shed some tears and I feel for you deeply. God bless you and your family. Stay strong, I know you will. I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts. -Nicole

  130. Lauren

    I’m so sorry to hear this – my heart is breaking for you and your family. you are a special, special person in this world and I feel lucky to read about your life every day. stay strong – my thoughts are with you.

  131. Jack

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss Lynn. I know you loved him very much. I will pray for you and your family.

  132. Eve

    I’m so sorry for your loss. The last line of this post absolutely brought me to tears. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts today.

  133. Molly

    Lynn,
    I am so very sorry for your loss. I absolutely believe there are signs everywhere. These are their ways of telling us they’re still with us. You have been an amazing inspiration and I wanted to thank you for sharing your stories. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family

  134. emily chang

    lynn, i am so heartbroken to hear about your dad. you’re incredibly strong to keep writing through all this and sharing it with us. much love to you & abe & your family…keeping you guys in my thoughts.

  135. hippierunner

    I’m so sorry Lynn. Know that you are so brave and strong. Especially for being able to write and share this post, as well as for everything else you accomplish. It’s so good to hear that you saw that lovely deer, and in such serenity. Much love for you and your family.

  136. Jessica Jann

    I’m so sorry to hear that Lynn. I will be praying for you and your family.

    That was a beautiful post and story…Stay strong, and yes..persevere! <3

  137. S.Singh

    My heartfelt condolences to you and your family. I’m so sorry to hear
    about the loss of yor father. My prayers and thoughts are with
    you and your family.

  138. Gillian @ That's G

    I am so sorry to hear about your father’s passing, Lynn.

    Everyone heals and mourns in different ways, so never feel like you should be doing something differently. Hang in there and know many people are thinking of you and your family.

  139. Jeffry S. P.

    Why is life sometimes so beautiful but other times so difficult. Bless you and your family Lynn.

  140. Ana

    I’m so sorry for your loss.
    You are incredibly strong for sharing this with us and I hope that our messages can somehow comfort you and help you get through this hard time.

  141. Deb Donig

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. The way you write of him reflects both how special he was and how special you are as well. Sending thoughts to you and your family during this incredibly difficult time.

  142. em

    Many thoughts and prayers to you and your family, Lynn. I can’t imagine how difficult this is for all of you. I pray that you’d find peace in the midst of this time of hurting. We love you!

  143. Jessica

    I am so sorry for your loss. I will pray for peace for your family. I’ve been reading for a few months and I admire your courage and honesty, I understand how proud your father must be.

  144. Shoshana

    Lynn, I am so so sorry for your loss. Take comfort in those around you and those of us here who love and support you. You are one of the strongest people I know.

  145. Simply Life

    I am so so sorry for your loss. i hope you continue to have all the support you need around you, and know we are all thinking of you.

  146. hnn

    Dear Lynn,

    I am so sorry to read about your father’s passing. I can’t possibly say anything adequate here about him for you here, but I wanted to add to the voices of others who all thank you for sharing your love for him and also appreciate him for giving so much love to you and your wonderful family.

    Hien
    Berkeley, California

  147. CJ at Food Stories

    Lynn,

    I am so sorry to hear this terrible news. Everyone copes with the ups and downs with life differently so do what you need to do. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family

  148. Kristy

    Lynn, I continue to pray for you and your family. My thoughts are with you all during this time of loss… Sending lots of love your way.

  149. Stephanie Day

    Oh, Lynn I'm so sorry for your loss. You are such an amazing writer and truly moved me in this post. Thank you for sharing during this incredibly tough time. I just want to let you know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  150. Carol

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I know you’ll see him again one day. I believe families are forever. *HUGS* from Hawaii.

  151. Selma

    Oh Lynn, I’m so sorry to hear this! Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. You are already doing well by writing down how you are feeling and what is going through your mind. Writing about food or emotions or even both is a good start. Don’t ever stop!!!

  152. Shelley Hay Scanlon

    Lynn, thank you for all that you are.
    Be gentle with your heart, always but especially right now.
    Every ounce of sympathy and heart I have is aimed at you and your family in this moment.

  153. Mn

    Lynn I am sorry to hear the devastating news. I’m sure your father was very loved throughout his life and surrounded by wonderful family and friends. You are very brave to continue blogging through this difficult time. I hope that you can get through this.

  154. Kelly

    I am so, so sorry for your loss. You are an amazing, strong person and this post illustrates it even more. Thoughts are with you xx

  155. Kathryn

    I’m so sorry for your loss Lynn, my thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time.

  156. Susan

    I’m so sorry you lost your father, Lynn. He sounds like a great man and motivator, and it sounds like his influence is still alive and well. The story about the deer was so beautiful to me. I don’t know if you believe in reincarnation, but perhaps that deer was your dad!

  157. j3nn

    I’m so sorry from the bottom of my heart. I lost my father many years ago so I know how you feel. Cherish your memories and rejoice in the fact that you had him in your life. He will always be a part of your life and he will always be a part of our universe. His energy will go on.

    Much love to you. Hugs.

  158. Anna @ On Anna's Plate

    I’m so, so sorry, Lynn. I’m thinking about you and sending love to your family.

  159. Tonya Dooley

    Lynn, I’m so sorry for your loss 🙁 I hope that you and your family can find some peace in the happy memories you have with your dad. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.

  160. the Minty

    Lynn, I’m so sorry to hear this. When I lost my father, I felt my whole world shifted. My mom (being very superstitious) always said the first animal you see after a death is the spirit saying goodbye. I saw a dog after my dad’s death and I always felt it was him saying goodbye. This deer story reminded me of that.

    Thank you for posting. Keep blogging. I think your dad would have liked that.

  161. Sharon Porcaro

    Lynn, I was introduced to you from a past episode of The Because Show and just started reading your blog a few weeks ago. Thank you for sharing this personal time in your life. I am sorry for your loss.

  162. anna

    I’m new reader. This made me cry… I’m so sorry about your father. Hope you, your mom, and family are doing alright

  163. Sarmad

    I came back to your blog after a very long time. Going through your posts I realized something happened. Then I stumbled on to this one. Lynn, I am extremely sorry for your loss and the only thing I can offer you is my prayers for you and your family to stay strong. I cannot even begin to imagine what you guys must have gone through. I hope and pray your dad is in a better place!

  164. Amy H

    This makes me cry every time I read it (whenever you link back to it). Much love and hugs to you. I am a Daddy’s girl too.

  165. Chris

    I’ve read your blog off and on for a while because we have a few mutual friends, but only just now am reading this post. My mother unexpectedly passed in January 2012 (coincidentally her birthday was August 13th), and this post was rather touching. Thank you.

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